Shame is the name of my game!

2 and a half months ....... that is the amount of time that i fell of the wagon this time.... and lets just say that i am only partly back on i've got one foot still draggin behind hanging on for dear life trying to pull myself back up on it!

 In the beginning of  October  i started the process of getting my teeth fixed which  started with having my wisdom teeth pulled and  from the day that it happened i was off .....It was one excuse after another not to get my ass back in the gym or eating correctly ... i was in pain from all my dental work.... i was abusing my pain meds.... i had a bad week at work... then i wrecked my car and didn't have a ride to the gym ... and then i got bronchitis..... all of these things happened and all of these things I used as an excuse to  sit my lazy ass at home on the couch watching Netflix and gaining weight back eating Fritos and telling myself next week ill  start again! and before i knew it  2 and half months had passed!

So here i sit no further along in my challenge  and  68 days  wasted ..... do you know how much cardio and training i could have done in 68 days! my  nutrition sucks and i  haven't even begun to try to  eat clean again!
 I am back in training though... I've hit 5  classes this week and plan to hit another 1 or 2 tomorrow! and i also plan to go grocery shopping and get stuff to start eating clean again in the morning......i have to kick sodas again....as well ... DAMNIT... Curse  you Dr. Pepper.... you bastard with your addictive chemicals and sugar!

I think the fact that i stopped counting calories and that i also stopped blogging made it  very easy to not be accountable for my actions! so here we go again!  we still have a good 4 and half months left  of the 365 days ..... and regardless i am still doing stuff everyday that i never thought i would! Maybe ill try to look at this like its a fight......... Its me  against my old self.......  and i am gonna kick his ass......

Round 2.... DING DING .....

This is the first time i have ever....

posted a half naked picture ..... yeah its not pretty yet ... its a work in progress... if you don't wanna look then don't .... but I am proud of  all the hard work i have put in ..... everyday  getting closer to the body and life i know i can have!

Maybe this will help!

I bought myself new running shoes in hope that i will actually try to start running on a regular basis

so nice! 

I suck at running!

There is one thing i despise and hate more than anything else and  always have and that is running.....I am slow and i  am always  coming  in very last and  it hurts my knees and my hips and i just hate it! It is the  one thing that  i just can not seem to enjoy   no matter what i do! some how i just have to figure it out and start running more because  it is the only way i will ever get any better at it! On the other hand training is getting much better ... not easier just better... i am  finally starting to understand more about jiu jitsu and the goal  and flow of it ... and i'm not getting my ass  easily handed to me every time..... it still gets handed to me just not right away .... now i can at least hold off the  submission for a bit lol....I did purchase a new Gi  and am pleased to say  i am down 2 Gi sizes since i started in April .... and also the new gi has made me actually want to go to  gi class .... I am not seeing a lot of weight loss  recently but   i can still feel myself getting smaller ....and also i am trying to improve on the nutrition still....I have  improved from my last post  for sure but am not  all the way  back to where i should be on it .... I have a feeling that once i am able to get  back on the best track i can be on  food wise i will start seeing big losses again! also i think i need a  weight training buddy .....

and here is a pic of my new gi .....It is from BreakPoint  for those that may want to know

As always  to those who   continue to read and support  Thank you so much .....and here is to  continuing to get stronger in mind and body!

Is there any diffrence?

This pic was about a month ago

                                                                 This pic was yesterday

I dunno at this point i can't tell much of a diffrence at all!

ouch!

I have fallen off the wagon and damnit it hurts to admit that! everytime i have tried to get back on i just keep slipping..... it is time to get serious again.....operation 365 re-commence!
 I only have 292  days left!  i know that seems like a lot but truly it is not ... i should be 60  plus days into  a 90 day program instead i have  screwed around and  eaten badly for the last few weeks and  for about a 2 week period   i  slacked  at the   gym..... i haven't lifted once in about a month....I don't know why i let myself  slack like that but i just keep  making the wrong choices!  I can do this i know i can.... I never thought i would be able to quit smoking but after almost 14 plus years of smoking.. yes i started smoking at 12 ....i did it ..   and about  6 months after i stopped.... for about  3 weeks i picked it back up again ....and then i needed a lil bit of a reality check and i quit once more and i  haven't picked them up since..... maybe this  lil period is just the same thing ..... i needed a lil reality check to let me know its so very easy to slip back into  bad habits so i need to constantly  work at making the right choices! I need to work on my willpower!

So Far

Just a few comparison photos......

This photo was taken April 14th at my friends wedding

This photo was taken June 9th at my sisters wedding

Hmm i wish the difference was a bit more ... but i just have to keep working....

a big thanks to EPIC BJJ  for all the help they have given me  in my goal to  lose weight and get in shape!

Being Active

SUPER EXCITED! after 3 years of thinking about it...I decided to finally do it and i joined the WAKA Kickball league! I know its not some hardcore sport but i think i'm just excited to have some fun while being physically active......if anyone is interested  registration closes on Friday ....I am playing in the  Fort Worth panther league...It is $70 and the games are at 7 on tuesday nights!

Also some other things i am thinking about doing is   starting to train for a couple of 5k runs  that i really want to do ..... Those being  The COLOR RUN  in memphis i believe in october and then the RUNFORYOURLIFE run in Austin TX  on Dec 15....It has  zombies..... it is  cheaper to register for those if you do it as a team so if anyone wants to do those with me... holla!

G-I-M-P fo Life

I actually did it ... i have  injured myself even more than before....I officially tore my Right Knee as well.... now i am limping around on two torn knees.....   some people keep telling me that this is just a sign i should quit that maybe i am not cut out for this sport and maybe they are right .... but then again maybe they can keep their opinion to themselves.....  Change does not  come easy ....  Nothing worth anything  comes with out a little pain...... for me this is defiantly worth the "fight" pun intended ......

My Diet has not been where it needs to be so the weight has stayed the same all though i have gone down 1 more size in pants.... and now can fit into my smaller MMA shorts.... i have not lifted since last week  due to scheduling issues, injuries , and laziness!

Here is a picture from class about a month ago.....I am way down on the end!

The rest of this week is going to be kind of hectic due to my sisters wedding and all the festivities involved in that .... I'll only have one tiny piece of cake ... yeah just one  lol!

Just so you know....

I literally can not move my arms today! I may have over done it on Wednesday!  But look at these guns!

Thanks Universe.....

I hope everyone had a wonderful memorial day because i sure as hell did .... Spent some lovely time with my friends and their family.....spent some time in the pool... and spent a lot of time EATING... and EATING.... dang it.....I told myself i would be better this weekend that i would start the cycle and get serious about  everything.... that did not work out for me at all..... my memorial started with a lovely stack of  the best pancakes i ever  had.....  and it just got worse from there...... by tuesday afternoon i found myself   at the nearest Chinese  buffet  at the desert table  eating cream poofs! I cracked open my  fortune and low and behold the universe had this to say

"If You Develop The Habits of Success, You Will Make Success a Habit"

It was  just the swift kick in the ass that i needed to get me back on the path.... well the path for most part 

fortunantly i did not gain any weight  .... all though i did not lose any either

....

yesterday i did my first Lifting session for the B4L.....and It was hard .... even with low weights it kicked my ass.... then i got home in time to squeeze in a couple of classes... which thankfully i  went because i got to  test for my shirt level in  MMA...

Officially a white shirt now.....  i know it is just a shirt but i paid for this in  hard work and sweat! looking forward to  continuing to learn and improve!

Andrea and   i  had a celebratory swim after class.....

 Getting strong and staying Active!

When the going gets tough.......

I usually quit.... but   that hasn't worked for me so far...... so  this time I'm gonna try to roll with the punches..... and i mean that literally... because  today  i got my ass beat! Lets face it ... i have never been a particularly  athletically inclined fellow.... even in high school the only sport i played was softball and  i quit that my Junior year to pursue less productive  things like doing drugs! So  this BJJ, MMA, and kickboxing training  is the most hardcore sport i have  ever "tried" to do..... and i say "try" because tonight i feel like  i just got my ass handed to me over and over and over and over..... and over! i wanted to throw down my gloves and quit.... i was frustrated ... i was pissed off.... and no i was not just mad about getting beat..... I was a lil peeved at some of the guys in the class and their " show my balls" attitude .....My thinking is we are all here to learn  ..... you have been doing this for how many years.... yeah....I am on my second month... it doesn't make you a bad ass  cus you beat me in 2 seconds ...... now stop  with the "my penis is bigger than yours" shit and  be cool and teach me! I am not  able to learn shit if you  just  submit me in  1 second flat.... and guess what you didn't get shit out of it  either......so needless to say i was  very very frustrated .......but that is the way it goes ..... "so what did i do?" you ask......

 I  Velcro-ed  those  damn gloves back on and stayed for a second  class! I am not quitting this time.... come hell or high water... i will see this through... i may suck at it right now  but i  won't always .....

On a lighter note..... I finally got  "Body for Life" in the mail ... gave it a read... and will officially start the  circuit on monday ....I think i have  the  lady friend on board with it too so if i can get her to  go to the gym with me  that will help me stay motivated for sure.......Gotta look strong in front of my  girl you know.... just kidding!

as of yesterday  i am out of the 260's.....the going is slow  but  that just means i am really  losing it and not just crash dieting it off so  i have to really work it off.......

 who knows...... maybe someday i really will have a 6 pack......  lol... One can Dream!

Officially Official

Its Official .....i am one big ball of injuries.....One Gimp Knee... One Throbbing Elbow ....now Add one severely painful Deeply bruised rib........ every time i  have to do forward rolls or  i get taken down  a searing pain  shoots through my  left side .....did i mention every single injury is on my life side! More Ice i guess....

Its also official  as of today i am Officially 260.....  1 more pound and i will be out of the 260's forever !

also can i just say that the multi grain  honey oat  waffles are  heavenly and  may just be my new favorite breakfast! I went  grocery shopping yesterday and mostly stuck to the body for life shopping list  with a few other things  added .... nothing to bad ....really trying to work on  the nutrition part of this! P.s. i also tried  the elite low carb rich chocolate whey protein today as a meal replacement about an hour before class and it kinda made me feel overly full and sick!

Sorry for the  quick , scattered update.... i've been quite busy today.... now time to go  soak in some soothing bath salts and  hope i'm not too sore tomorrow! Stay Strong !

Starting a new cycle

Here is the truth.....I Don't have a clue what i am doing in the gym.....I usually get in there ....stretch.... do about 30 minutes of cardio then wonder aimlessly around doing this machine and that machine  a set here a set there.....with no set gym schedule at all....and let's face it .... that is not doing a thing and while i applaud myself for the effort... I am just flat out failing at getting strong and buff..... I need a regiment ... i need a game plan ... i needed..... my dad!   In  '98 or '99 hell it could been 2000  not quite sure of the year .... my dad dropped over 100 pounds and got into the best shape of his life.... this dude got swoll... and i wanted to know how..... his advice was to pick up the book "Body for Life"  by Bill Phillips .....so  i  ordered it on amazon for 4 dollars.....SCORE!  while i eagerly await  the book ( i also got the book  "Eating for Life" by Bill Phillips.....    yay" ... i also checked out the bod for life website... which gave me some pretty good info on the  best way to lean down and hulk up..... So i think this will be my first 12 week cycle.... Doing the body for life program!

I am going to have to be more dedicated to Lifting though..... Tuesday Thursday and Saturday ....because my cardio days are Monday Wed And Fridays with class .... I'm not sure how this is going to work but i guess I will just have to figure it out.... even if that means being at the Gym at 5 am before Work......or do i keep  fighting  totally separate from the BFL cycle ....  either way  

Its about time i learn the true definition of dedication......

Also this seems to be a new regular occurrence in my life......

Getting stronger everyday in Body and Mind! 

Evil temptation.....

Well its been a few days .... honestly i haven't had much to write about ....my diet hasn't been bad but it hasn't been the best either....I'm still working on this whole diet thing...... for the most part i try to stay lean and low cal... but  then i'll get a craving and give in and then keep  giving in for a few meals and or days  till i say WHAT IN THE HELL MO... and get back on the wagon.... i guess that's how it  goes though... just trying to make the right choices one decision at a time!

Today has been a rough one in the  cravings department .... today is a Thursday so naturally i'm at work all day .... and if i hadn't mentioned  work days are especially hard to maintain the healthy eating because of unforeseen calls and not being able to eat on a schedule... also i do better if i bring my lunch but sometimes i am not able to get back to the office  to actually eat it  ... anyhow  i digress .... today i come into work and what  is the first thing  i see as i walk into the kitchen ........

That's right .... fluffy beautiful cupcakes.... and cupcakes are my weakness... cupcakes are my favorite....

I have resisted  these evil cupcakes all day long......I will not break...... i will be strong....

As far as the scale goes.....I'm only down  one more pound...but in the clothes department im down a full size in everything... and i'm feeling great

In the training  department  i have  gone from barely making it through 1 - hour long session to 2 full hour to hour and half long session ...  all in all its progress!

I don't have a lot of full body pictures because  i have tried to avoid  the camera   but here is the most recent ......23.5 pounds down ....I'll try to take monthly updates  for this ....

As Always Staying Strong in mind and body! and Thank you for everyone  who is continuing to read and support me in this!

Cheater Cheater Applebees Eater

Well so much for my three hours of work out yesterday .... Lets just say  after i finally made it home  i sat my  lazy ass down on the couch and  only moved to get the worst possible  food i could put into my body......It was like  all i could think was .....Girlfriends out of town and  since I'm not a relationship cheater and i live to far away from everyone to  go  do awesome things that i can't do when she is around ( i can't really think of anything that i can't do when shes around )  but i wanted to cheat..... and cheat i did .....donuts for breakfast....applebees spinach artichoke dip and wings for lunch and i made myself  a steak and broccoli for dinner......and after all that calorie ridden  fat-asstic  food ofcourse i was to drunk on the blue cheese to actually  go do a single work out .....I wanted to cheat..... i thought it would be great ..... and like  with most cheating of any kind the only thing i was left feeling was  bloated with guilt.... Lesson of the day  ... When you cheat you only end up cheating yourself ......

Today is a new day though and  the sun is shining and its hot as hell outside and my knee feels a lil less painful today than it did yesterday ...... on the plus side i think i gave my knee a much needed  break  with all my laziness yesterday!

Ouch.. need more ICE!

Not much to report  for the last few days......Wednesday i had a few good work outs .... hit the gym for some cardio and lifting ..... then went for a back to back 2 hour  jiu jitsu then MMA class...... even though im trying to stay light on the knee it didn't help much because today work was killer......I'm Icing it down as i sit here!
We will see how things go ...... the lady friend is out of town so i plan on hitting another 3 hours of work outs tomorrow as well before I'm  unable to do so on the weekend.....

2 Steps Forward ....1 Step Back...

So Monday night  after MMA training i stuck around to practice and Shot take down ..... boy do i wish i had  just gone directly home! Instead after  a couple run through i  went  down  made a move and BOOM ...a horrible  pain surged through my left knee ..... I used to get a similar pain back in high school  often .. i always thought it was my knee cap  slipping out and back into place...... so i just attributed it to that  even though it hasn't happened in about 9 years....  the pain usually  goes away  after about an hour ! Not this time .... i iced it last night and  still when i woke up this morning  it  was slightly swollen and stiff .....After talking with Andrea , we decided the best option was to  just go to the Doc and see whats was up.......After getting some Xrays to rule out a small patella Fracture...  Its mostly decided  that it is probably a miniscal tear ......

 well poo.... I think the apparent disappointment  was written all over my face because my wonderful  lady friend  immediately tried to make me feel better about it but  i truly was disheartened ....all i could think was  all this hard work was  right down the drain...... I tried to tell myself that i wouldn't lose  motivation and that i could just keep at it ... work on upper body  and do my best but absolutely nothing was making me feel better about this 

I decided to  go up to the gym and tell my coaches  about what the doc had said .... and boy did they make me feel so much better.....Hank,  one of the  trainers up there came out and  met before i even got through the door.... and in about 1 minute flat he had changed my whole perspective ..... he told me " it doesn't have to end  training ...... Get  back in this gym and we can work on everything else and avoid that knee while you heal" .....basically about 3 months ago he had the same injury and and it took about a month to  get him back  at  normal training but  if i work hard and  rehab my knee right then i can be back in the game too ....makes me feel a lot better about ........

 so here is to 22 pounds down  ... staying motivated ... and staying strong in the mind  even when my body doesn't want to be!

The First Good Sign

 A couple of months ago, i went into the Dr  for a simple ailment and after doing a urinalysis they discovered there was a lot of sugar  in it....they did an A1c and determined that i had  moderate  diabetes .... great.... of course it was the " You're way to fat and you need to  change your diet and exercise "type diabetes..... I had my blood work done last Friday with my usual Doc...I was not on any type of medication for the diabetes .... and my Dr had decided that if the  blood work came back bad she would start me on metformin.....I  really did not want to have to be on anything.....any whoo so that brings us to today.... the Dr called this afternoon with the results .....

I AM OFFICIALLY OUT OF THE DIABETES ZONE! 

that right in One month of changing my diet and exercising ... I've done it .....

Its my first small victory along with  fitting into a size smaller pants .....

also everything was down  cholesterol, sugars, a1c.....  all this good news keeps me really motivated

Going broke for fitness and the much awaited number of shame

Its not cheap  to be fit or eat healthy... thus  why we are  nation of fluffy people ..... so my plan is to  spend all my money on getting fit ... ok well not all of it ... but here is my thinking ...If i spend exorbitant amounts of mula on training , equipment, and healthy foods  then i wont have the cash flow  to feed my addiction and be  like a crackhead  hoarking down cheeseburgers in secret .... not that i ever did that... no .. not at all..and i assure you i am a cheap frugal man  so  i wont want my hard earned greenbacks going to waste ..... (although to be honest  the awesome bike that i dipped into my savings to purchase  has sat  in the guest  room  untouched since the day i brought it home)  but not anymore ..... no... tomorrow i shall ride that bike ..... even if just around the block a few times!

so on to the next  subject at hand ..... my number of shame ... and yeah its  pretty fricken shameful..... but shame is always a good motivator ......so here it comes  ....

264 .... i know  when i think about that number and see it on the scale  good god i just wanna curl up into a big ball of shame ......Im closer to 3 than 2 in the same way im closer to 30 than 20...... I have hidden that shameful number  for so long now...   as if  my friends and loved ones  couldn't read it on my over sized  body ..or that if  anyone knew exactly how much i weighed they  might run away as fast as they could.... but there it is ..... judge as you will. but  just remember that   my shameful number  doesnt  convey the awesome ...loving.. kind ... and did i mention super awesome  guy that i am ... so just remember that as your  giggling at my  large mass behind your computer screen!

Diary of a Hungry Fat Man

I have given myself a challenge....365 days to lose as much weight as possible.....technically my weight loss journey started at the beginning of April and i have lost so far 18 pounds.... I'm no where near as dedicated to  the fitness as i have wished  to be so i say the challenge starts Right now! it is 04-28-12..This time Next year with hard work and dedication  i plan to be a different man..... this  is how i will stay accountable.....  so here we go ... Step #1.... introduction and admitting you have a problem....

My Name is Morgan and  i am a Hungry Fat Man.......